One of the more startling conclusions that I ever came to in my life was that, well, Jesus wasn’t All That.
Let me explain.
The basic message I took away from my childhood was simple — Jesus was pretty cool. Rankin and Bass Christmas specials, remember? Nestor told me Jesus was cool, Santa Claus told me he was cool, the Little Drummer Boy told me he was cool. Those were some pretty reputable sources for a kid, and I accepted it without thought. Nestor loved Jesus, end of investigation.
As these things do, that feeling stayed there in my heart, unquestioned. Unquestioned because I mostly didn’t think of it at all: it was just there, a background thought. Most of us have it, too, however we are raised. Because whatever our families may be, we grow up in a culture saturated with Christianity. So, despite disbelief, many walk around holding a dim notion that Jesus was a pretty cool guy.
The first time I read the Bible — well, read the gospels and some other bits — was during my one true attempt at being religious, way back in high school. You’ll hear that story soon, I promise. I was fifteen. I had been under the sway of the vague “Jesus is a Cool Guy” meme for my whole life, was in a mindstate where I really, really could dig the idea of this Very Cool Guy helping me in my desperation. So the Very Nice Guy Jesus Meme stayed unquestioned.
That attempt at religiosity didn’t take. You’ll have to wait for the whys and wherefores, but let’s move on to later explorations of the Gospels, in college, and the moment of revelation: Jesus, I realized, wasn’t All That. In fact, he was kind of a jerk.
It’s a measure of the power of the background meme that I felt really, really bad for thinking that. Then I read Bertrand Russell’s “Why I’m Not a Christian,” and he said it, too! That made me feel a bit better. I wasn’t alone! And Russell, he was a pretty smart guy.
You see, one of the parts of the Jesus is Cool meme is that he was a Great Moral Leader, someone rather special in terms of advancing human morality. Man of Compassion and Love, preaching Brotherhood and Peace! It’s obvious, isn’t it, that people like Thomas Paine were right? This guy was Righteous, baby!
It wasn’t obvious to me. Let me tell you what I saw. I saw a man who said nothing that Buddha hadn’t said already, or Stoic philosophers. I saw the story bits that seemed shocking and ugly: Jesus killing a bunch of pigs, just to expel a “demon,” even though he could’ve done something else. Jesus flipping out and cursing a tree because it didn’t give fruit out of season. The wailing and gnashing of teeth, which he seemed to like to trot out a lot. And that cultish behavior of forcing his disciples to abandon families and responsibilities.
Oh, there’s nice stuff in those gospels. The Beatitudes, I’ll grant you those. Jesus hanging with the outsiders of society, I’ll grant you that. But mostly? The guy strikes me as kind of sad, a second or third string quarterback in the football game of moral teaching. I can think of tons of other people I admire more — many, of course, who stayed of the opinion that Jesus was pretty cool. But fact is, while Thomas Paine thought Jesus was keen, I think Paine had much more intelligent and beautiful things to say.
Of course, later my further wanderings in the fields of knowledge introduced me to the idea that this guy Jesus didn’t necessarily exist at all. But that’s another post.
6 Comments
25 July 2008 at 11:13 am
Christians should not portray Jesus as a “cool guy.” We would all probably be uncomfortable around Jesus because he had that affect on people. He was very direct and often offensive to those around him. He criticized the religious leaders of the first century, as if he had the right. When questioned by officials of either the Jewish faith or the government, he often responded with quesiton. He plainly says himself he didn’t come to bring peace, but division. All in all, lots of things that made him seem to many like a jerk. He would be way out of line on every count; if not for the fact of was the incarnate God, personification of God’s spirit on earth. That justifies him. It’s not important that he be “cool,” it’s important that he is God.
25 July 2008 at 11:29 am
Personally, I don’ think that being “God” would give him a pass for being an asshole. And some of your wording is hilarious to me — “he criticized the religious leaders of the first century, as if he had the right.” Of course he had the right! Everyone has the right. All leaders should be criticized, questioned, scrutinized. Too bad he didn’t tell people that, say, hey, think for yourselves! Don’t accept my word for things, go out and find answers yourselves! No, he was too busy telling apostles to leave their families so he could hammer on them without outside influence.
And being God justifies him acting however badly he wants to act? Sorry, that’s just an ugly, hateful idea. You just reminded me of another reason I dislike religion in general, and organized Christianity in particular.
28 July 2008 at 6:25 am
I was rasied Catholic, meaning I was forced to attend church/CCD by well-meaning parents. It was decided we no longer were required to attend mass when the bishop showed up for my confirmation nine sheets to the wind, going on a (rather spitty, in the front row) tear about Madonna* and how she was going to hell. Hilariously, that entire “education” did very little to shape my opinion of The Big J.
These days, I prefer the incarnation of Jesus as the hippie, cartoon-y type–the kind not really represented in the Bible, the one that lives vaguely in most post-indoctrinated cerebellums. The “Buddy Christ” that wouldn’t send me to hell for makes all those jokes at his expense. Also, as my favorite curse word. Also also, as represented by Christopher Moore in in Lamb.
* the singer, not Jesus’ Ma.
28 July 2008 at 11:23 am
It’s funny how many ex-Catholics have some story involving insane clergy and why that made them leave the Church. Every time I hear about those stories, I’m reminded of one story from Boccaccio, where a Jew and a Christian are friends. The Christian is concerned for his friend, who’s going to go to hell despite being a good, learned man, and he keeps working on him. The Jew finally agrees, on one condition — he’s going to go to Rome, to see the center of Christendom, and make his decision based on what he sees. Fuck, the Christian thinks, that’s that. He’ll see the Bishops and Cardinals and Pope partying and whoring and whathaveyou, and never convert. Eventually, he comes back, and converts on the spot. His explanation — he saw all that partying and whoring and whathaveyou, and realized that if Christians could conquer everything around them, despite having leaders like that, they must really be the One True Faith.
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